Hello Everyone:
The weekend has, for the most part, been mom free and I love it. On Friday, kind of at the last minute, mom decided it was too hot in the apartment for her and phoned my sister to find out if she could spend the night there. Of course, sis said she could and sent my oldest nephew to pick her up. As usual, started having second thoughts, suggested I come along (I refused), and leaving me a whole list of mostly what not to do. You know, I ignored her for the the overwhelming most part and just did my own thing. She went over again today, this time to stay over for the Jewish New Year. Once again leaving me a whole list of what not to do and so forth. Chief among her donts is no morning run. Apparently, there's some sort of prohibition about exercising on Jewish holidays and mom is deathly afraid that one of her acquaintances will see me and say something. Truth, they don't know me and I don't want to know them. Those kind of gossiping judgmental people have no part in my life. One thing mom insists I do, is go to services. I stopped going to New Year services a while ago because it lost its meaning for me. I can't just sit there, with an open book, mumbling words without any depth of feeling. As a child and younger adult, I was metaphorically dragged to services because, I was told, that's what you're supposed to do on the Jewish New Year. I believe that just to go for the sake of going is pointless. If I can't worship with a full and meaningful heart, then why bother. If it sounds like a black and white kind of argument it's because it is. Religious faith should be something to you fully and willingly commit to not something you do half heartedly. I can't sit in a synagogue, anytime of the year, and pretend to worship. Sometimes I think mom has read one too many stories of people at crossroads in their live, wishing for something to believe in, have an epiphany and recover their latent Judaisim. I don't want to say that's not me but I need more than someone telling to do something for its own sake. I need more than that.
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