Hate to disappoint

Hi All and Happy First Day of the Baseball Season to American fans:

Today, I can spend a little more time writing because I'm indoors and still a bit chilly outside.  This morning, when I was out running I could see my breath.  Pretty good indication that still too cool to spend a good deal of time outdoors.

So what's going on today?  Well, mom is camped out at sis's again.  I think she's resigned herself to the fact that I really don't enjoy going over to sis's house anymore.  I don't think she understands it fully but I think she stopped trying to insist.  I'm sure mom feels disappointed that all her children aren't sitting around the table partaking in a meal.  However, it's hard to feel good about sitting at the same table as people who really make me feel alienated.  Also, mom's obsession with the grand kids is really unseemly.  Most of the time I just sit there quietly eating my food and trying to make civil conversation.  Truth be told I'm bored and would rather be somewhere else, doing other things.  It's not that I insist on being the center of attention, I'm not that egotistical.  It's just that I want to feel like I belong.  It's hard when the conversation centers around kids and being used as a handy target for slamming the Democrats and President Obama.  Why should I set myself up for that.  I wish mom could genuinely understand how I feel.  We go around and around about this with subject with no coming to terms.  I don't like to disappoint mom but I have to be honest with my feelings.  In some way I feel like this is another in a very long ways I've been a disappointment to all.  This may not be true but barring any validation of the good things I've done or continue to do, I have only that the sense of being a disappointment to go on.  I'm proud of doing of the positive things I've done and do but it feels hollow when no one else notices.  When people do notice, it's for negative things.

Sorry to sound so dour today, I just needed to say what I needed to say.