Filling The Void

Hello Everyone:

Since mum's passing, I'm finding myself talking to her.  Mostly I tell her all the things I really wanted to tell her in life.  I suppose she already knew how I felt--angry, exhausted, resentful, et cetera--or maybe she couldn't fully comprehend it.  Sometimes I tell her just random stuff.  I suppose it's just normal to do that since her death is still fresh and we lived with each other for so long that I still feel like she's gone.  I think some of it has to do with the fact I'm self-isolating right now.  No lock down order has been issued, yet (the operative word) but there really isn't anywhere to go so I can be around other people outside of the park and grocery store.  Right now the park is the place where I can see and talk to other people, even for a short period of time.  Actually, the quiet reminds of the time I lived in San Jose.  San Jose is allegedly one of the biggest cities in the San Francisco Bay Area.  I say allegedly because I live in the second biggest city in the United States and anything smaller feels like a village.  Anyway, during the day there was always some activity, the sound of traffic and people.  Towards the evening it started to get quiet, like the city, except the restaurants, movie theater, and bars, was shutting down for the day.  That's what it feels like right now.  I guess talking to mum fills the void.