Exhausted

Hello Everyone:

I am so exhausted from being on the mum ride.  Yesterday evening mum was complaining of severe leg pain.  It was severe enough to call the paramedics twice before they finally took her to the emergency department early this morning.  The leg was red but not oozing any liquid.  Regardless it was painful enough that she needed to seek medical attention.  The cause was an infection.  Based on what Sis told me. it was a combination of low blood pressure and infection.  Any way you put it, it's not good.  I've already accepted the fact that at the end of this up and down ride, mum will die.  We all die at some point and maybe it's getting close to her time.  I thought I was fully to let go but I'm not so sure.  I guess what's making me feel uneasy is I don't know what I'm going to do.  I would have to find another place to live and find something to do with myself.  Everything just feels so unsettled with me.  I can't expect anyone to help out.  No one up until now and there's no reason to think anyone will help me out in the future.  The city planning department hasn't decided anything and, outside of sending out resumes, I have no prospects.  I don't even know where to begin looking for a place to settle.  The only thing I have faith in is myself.  My first impulse is leave but what if I leave before the good part?  I really wish I knew what was I going to do or who to turn to.  All I know is that I'm absolutely exhausted, angry, confused, resentful, and everything in between.