Does Life Really Turn On A Dime

Hello Everyone:

I got to Skype with the Brit BF today. Yeah. It was only an hour chat because he wanted to watch American football playoffs but I was grateful for the time. We talked about plans for the coming year and he dropped that he might be coming for a two week stay in late-May. That would be so fantastic. His plans are first attend an expo in Las Vegas, then fly to Los Angeles for a two-week vacation. I hope it comes true. I miss the way he holds and kisses me. Maybe, by that point, he'll be looking for a permanent place to live. He told me something interesting about a close friend of his. He told me that a year ago, his friend was out of work and in a failing marriage. Today, he's got a great job and a side business. I responded by saying I wish his friend could sprinkle some of that fairy magic on me. I had to exercise an enormous amount of self-restraint from saying "that's just a nice bedtime story. Real life doesn't turn on a dime like that."  I don't believe life works that way. I believe in what I experience-not fairy dust or lucky breaks. What I experience is having doors slammed in my face (metaphorically speaking), being ignored, shunted aside, told to wait for my turn that never comes, settle for whatever crumbs get thrown my way and be grateful for it it's been embedded so deeply that I just learned to make myself invisible. Hide behind a laptop screen and hope no one sees or speaks to me. Of course that doesn't pay the bills and just becomes my excuse to hide out from reality. I don't want to hide from reality anymore but at the same time I don't want just have to settle for the crumbs. It'S hard to get out of this extremely pessimistic outlook on life I have. I just have nothing to to be optimistic about. One answer is to set a goal and work toward it. What goal?  I don't even know where to begin.