Feeling Sad

Hello Everyone:

Wow, I can't believe I've neglected you for a few days. That's so unlike me, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't leave you hanging like that. I have no excuse for this.

It's been a pretty quiet few days, or take. Mom was rushing me yesterday, as usual, to get ready for the Sabbath. I think if she had her way, she'd start at noon and go until Monday. What she doesn't realize is when she does rush me, I end up being miserable the time. It's like this, mom does all of her final cooking on Friday morning, leaving a big mess for me to clean up. That means I need the extra time. However, mom expects me to have the kitchen done in ten minutes or less. Impossible. Then, I have to shower and fluff myself in ten minutes or less because sitting down to eat when she's ready is that important.  She doesn't realize that by rushing me, I go slower and get angrier. How can I enjoy what is supposed to be a day of rest when I'm in a foul mood?  She just doesn't get that my rude behavior is a direct response to her insanity. I really wish I could be somewhere else, like with my BF, who's having a birthday on Sunday. It's another special moment we're spending apart. It makes me sad and miss him even more. If all things were right, I take him out for a nice brunch and afterwards, we'd go to a museum and then, well, you know the rest. I shared with him a vivid recurring dream I had last night.  We were in bed together, in that moment just before night becomes dawn. I am wrapped in his arms, head on his chest. I feel warm and loved in that moment. Our bare skin presses against each other, still warm from lovemaking.  I swear I could feel his arms around me. Yet, sadly, it's still a dream. I don't know if and when it'll come true.  I gave up on dreams coming true a long time ago. The happy endings just isn't for me. Instead, it seems I'm just fated to be miserable. I guess I'm just one of those people for whom life dealt a bad hand.