Sad, Tired, And Confused

Hello Everyone:

Today I feel a little sad because I keep thinking about how many times I've been let down by family and friends.  This sadness is making fatigued.  I have myself to partially blame because I had all sort of expectations only to be disappointed.  As someone once said "expectations are resentments under construction."  I need to remind myself of that from time to time.  Why did I think that my graduation from "The Nest" would be a cause for a family celebration.  Maybe that's what events like Commencement are.  It wasn't as if I was expecting the moon and the stars.  Actually, if anything, I was expecting everyone (mom, sis, BIL, the niece and nephews) to joyfully attend and celebrate.  Instead, I got what I got.  The point to all this is now I feel like my upcoming birthday celebration is nothing more than an obligation on their part.  It's as if they are doing me a favor by acknowledging the day of my birth.  This is not how I want to approach this.  Family events, even if it's your least favorite relative, should be approached with a sense of joy and willingness.  Regardless of how you feel about the person, you can set aside for one moment and participate in the occasion.  If you can't or won't, then don't.  I don't want anyone pretending they're happy for me.  So, I guess I found a way to respond to my sister's offer without being rude or mean.  Now that I think about it, maybe I'm making a mistake by turning her down for a family meal or dinner out.  The thing is, that every time we have a family get together, it feels so painfully forced.  I try to be a good sport about and find some way to enjoy the event but, in this case, I can't.  I don't know what to do anymore.