Morning Run Ramblings

Hello Everyone:

Finally I have a chance to jot down a few thoughts today.  This morning, during my run, I let my thoughts drift and once again landed on all the disappointments bestowed upon me.  I really have to stop dwelling on things like that and move on.  I should know by know that my mom and sis are a pair of selfish, self-centered humans who don't care if they hurt anyone's feelings.  That's sounds terrible but that's the way I feel.  I suppose a run is always good for processing thoughts and I often say that I do my best thinking when I run.  I didn't say everything I process is always positive, what I meant is I gain some clarity on situations.  The problem is that sometimes I don't let go of the negative thinking by the time I get home and I end up sideswiping everyone in my path.  Another bad habit I have to work on.  Well thank goodness for this blog so I can release anything on my mind and you can see what stubborn, high maintenance, high strung person I am.  I'm surprised the Brit BF still wants to talk to me.  Then again, he hasn't spent that much time around me.  Getting back to mom and sis, I think the reason I put the kabosh on any birthday celebrations is that I don't want to risk getting crushingly disappointed again.  My feeling is whatever they had planned is not going to make up for two-and-half years of feeling hurt over their selfishness at my graduation.  Right now, the ladies of the PLB Activities Center are chatting about comedians.  They're going back decades, really dating themselves.  Most of who they're talking about are classics.  Back to my point, two-and-half years does sound like a long time to nurse a grudge (yes, that's what I'm going to call it) but in my defense I don't feel like I've been acknowledged or had amends made to.  Besides, what's the point now, whatever anyone can do will just be devoid of any sincerity.  Still, I want to let the whole matter drop for good but until my hurt feelings get acknowledged, I don't think I can just drop it.