I found myself getting a little petulant with the Brit BF yesterday over our long distance relationship. It's been three months since the last time we saw each other and I have no idea when or if I'll see him again. It's making me a little crazy and a lot lonely. This is new for me because with previous guys,mI didn't care if I spoke to or saw them regularly. I was quite content with leading separate lives. I think this stems from my relationship with my abusive ex who would routinely date other women, while still involved with me. Not only that, he would routinely ignore me and neglect our relationship. I just got so used to it that I figured that how it has to be. With he Brit BF, it's different, he wants me and I want him. He works on the relationship and it motivates me to do the same. We spoke on the phone yesterday and he was encouraging. He feels confident that we'll be reunited soon but there's still a part of me that says I'll never see him again. Move on, this relationship is not meant to last. It's so frustrating to finally find someone who I deeply care about only to have be far away. Maybe this is he way my life is supposed to be. Maybe I'm not meant to have lasting love and happiness; or if I find it, it comes with a cost. Whybis this so? Does anyone wonder why I'm still angry at the Man in White? I feel like I can't invest too much in a relationship because it'll disappear or fall apart quickly. I don't want this one to disappear at all. I want everything to work out. I want my happily ever after. Why is this so hard for me? I feel like I'm being punished for being involved with my abusive ex. Look, how many times do I have to apologize for it? Why can't I have my Prince Charming and happily ever after?
No comments:
Post a Comment