Woke up this morning with a sinus headache. Not a good way to start the day. I took a couple of Tylenol which kind of seems to be helping. I just need to let it pass. I spoke with new guy yesterday. He had an overnight stop in Toronto and just texted me to check in. He's such a dreamer. He's always thinking big. It's a great quality to have, that kind of of confidence. I wish I had more confidence. Whatever confidence I have left is just channeled into the writing I do. I don't think big, I think small. Just get to the end of the day without drama and it's all good. It's hard to summon any confidence when life has beaten down. I don't know how he can remain so optimistic when everything seems to be a struggle. I've never had it easy. I suppose I could say that having to really work for whatever good things come my way builds character and confidence but I work too hard and nothing comes from it. Why remain confident? Maybe I should take a page from his playbook and learn to think big. I'm more about think small. I guess this way we balance each other out. It's had for me to be confident in anything beyond writing because I feel like such failure in life. I mean my peers all seem to have wonderful lives, surrounded by people who love them and I don't have that. I can't even think of one family show actually likes me. Applying for work has become a soul sucking experience that just makes me want to give up. Yet here is this person in my life who is telling me that he believes in me, even though I barely believe in myself. The reason I don't think big is I don't want to be disappointed any more than I am already. I let this lack of confidence me back from a lot things, which us not good. Maybe it is a good idea to take a page out if the new guy's "silver linings" playbook.
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