Yesterday, during supper, Mom casually let me known that by mid-summer she'll be able to help me payoff some debts. Needless to say I was taken aback by it and refused her assistance. I told Mom that I will not take money that she could desperately use for herself to deal with my financial mess. She needs more than I do just cover the basics. I would feel bad taking money that I know Mom could use for rent or groceries just to payoff a credit card. It's ridiculous. Besides maybe I'll have a job by then. That would be nice but I'm not holding my breath. I know I've been coming off like a pessimist lately but that's how I feel. I sometimes think what's the point of applying for another job. I've more rejection letters then anything else and I feel like I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to keep running to people to bail me out and I feel guilty for accepting anyone's help, especially family. I think I'm way past the point where I can get away with running to mommie for help. I really want to show everyone that I can stand on my own feet. I don't doubt I can do it, I just need a little guidence in the right direction and I'm good to go. Running to mommie or anyone else isn't necessarily the right answer. I'm firm believer that's better to teach someone the skills and give them the opportunity to work so they become more self-sufficient then just create a culture of dependency. Providing assistance while you train is good thing but that assistance should also extend to helping a person get settled into work that matches their skills. In the meantime, the matter has been tabled. I've made my views clear to Mom about taking her money. Besides, maybe I actually will find work?
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