Hello Everyone:
Mom has been up to her usual annoying self this week. I know, so what else is new. Mom especially likes to give me unsolicited relationship "advice." I put advice in quotation marks because it's more like passive aggressive comments meant to instill doubts about the relationship. Often she'll say "How come he spends so much time with his mother, He'll probably end up moving with his mother," and my favorite, "Why don't you two spend more time together?" Mom says other things as well which she thinks is being helpful but really it isn't. It's more like she's thinks I'm shutting my eyes to her perceived reality of our relationship. The truth, as I've said time and again, we really do want to spend more time together, be under the same roof, wake up together in the morning. I know we've talked about his continued wallowing in the grieving process, something we'll have to revisit. I do try to be patient and understanding; I don't want to discard the relationship because it's not going according to some idealized plan. It's hard to find some balance between wanting to spend more time with my guy and coming off as the selfish, bitchy girl friend. I know he considers me a priority and values are time together, as do I, it's just so hard sometimes. Add to this mom's steady stream of comments and I feel like I'm ready to scream. I realize that mom is concerned and wants me to be happy but she can be so overbearing. I feel like everything I do or say is subject to such an intense scrutiny. I can't even be happy for a second because mom finds a way to crap on that with her comments. I just wish she'd leave me alone already. I suspect that when I do eventually move out again, she won't stop. Really, mothers never do. I just find ways to cope. Getting back to her relationship meddling, as much as I her I don't want to speak to her about it, she persists, usually in a back handed manner. I ignored it, like 95% of everything that comes out of her mouth. It sounds mean but most of what she says is just background noise. She did the same with my sister when she was first married.
Sis married young and I still don't think she knew what she was getting into. Mom quickly pounced, trying to put herself between the two, especially after the niece and nephews came along. Some of the disagreements mom and BIL had were pretty serious. I think now they just tolerate each other. I think it's because her relationship with my dad went south pretty quickly and she didn't want to divorce him for whatever reason. So, instead, she just busied herself in her daughters' lives, intervening where she wasn't wanted. Often, mom would exacerbate the situation then wonder why everyone was mad at her. It's obvious she cares but just has an infuriating way of showing it. Mom really needs to learn to let go and live her life.
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