Live Your Life

Hello Everyone:

It's a lovely Tuesday afternoon and I'm currently being serenaded with a very lovely song by Sting, "Fields of Gold."  One of my favorite love songs.  I think if I ever marry I want this song at my wedding.  I kind of want to continue what I said yesterday about the bf.  I wrote that I think he puts up too many mental barriers between him and life.  First, I just want to clarify that I'm not making some amateur diagnosis, I'm just writing what I experience with him.  Second, I know what it's like to spend so much time in my head that it becomes impossible to have any sort of real life.  A real life is not just about having a job, my own place, and all the other material trappings.  It's about experiencing the things that make living so wonderful.  It's about wholly loving another person and being loved.  It's about taking delight in all the sensual pleasures that the world has to offer.  It's about participating in the world not living in a bubble.  I actually pity those people who live in a bubble, afraid to move out because they don't want to expose themselves and be vulnerable.  Vulnerability is not necessarily a bad thing.  It means you're willing to take a risk and possibly fail.  From failure, you hopefully learn.  I think this might the bf's biggest fear.  If he steps out of his bubble and allows himself to experience the full breadth of life, he might fall flat on his face and get hurt.  That's life.  The other issue at play is the lingering grief over his father's death.  I understand that he and his father were close and the bf is still angry at his Higher Power for taking him at the age of 89 but I think he's using it as a barrier between committing fully to our relationship.  I know he's taking steps to deal with the grief and I am willing to be patient with him but at some point decisions will have to be made.  I don't want to break up with him because I don't discard people but at the same time, I need him to be more present in the relationship.  He will have to decide if he wants to continue using his grief from living his life or move back into the real world.  I hope it doesn't mean we have to break up because this is something I could not deal with.  Since we started making love to each other, I found that I've invested myself emotionally.  To break up with someone after you've made an emotional commitment is hard.  I hope that he's finding the help he needs to cope with the grief.  I'm really pulling for him.