Let It All Go

 

Hello Everyone:

Yom Kippur is almost over and I thought I’d get in a few words before I sat down to eat. For the most part it was a chill day that passed quickly for change. I spent the day in the house, catching up on a couple of books. Mostly I spent the day letting go of all the grudges I had toward my parents. Basically, they weren’t the kind of people who should gotten married, too wrapped up in their own worlds to be a functional couple. They couldn’t deal with the whole idea of marriage and a family so they retreated into the only ways they new how to handle their lives: Dad drank and mum micromanaged. Honestly, I stopped trying to figure out what was going through their heads that drove them to extreme behavior. It was too much effort but it did affect my life and that’s where all the anger comes in. Their words and actions towards me undermined my confidence and ruined relationships. The worst part was the way they never accepted responsibility for what they did.  I never got a kind word or a hug out of them. It was something alien to them. Instead, I got stuff. I readily admit that some of the stuff I got was the result of my being a spoiled brat and I take ownership of that. Really, I would’ve traded all of it for a kind word. Now that they’re both gone I can reclaim myself.  They no longer have power over me. They lived their lives, made their choices but regretted them. Maybe my dad thought it would be a great idea to drive across the country with his friends from New York and settle down. Maybe my mum thought it would be a great idea to immigrate from Israel. I think both of them had grand expectations that didn’t work out. That happens and rather than accept the reality of their current situation they fell into destructive behaviors. That’s too bad because I’m guessing that had things worked out for them, they, my sister, and I would’ve had a better life. That’s ancient history. I live in the present and plan for the future. Goodbye mum and dad. You did what you could. Now it’s my turn.