The Skype Chat I Didn't Want

Hello Everyone:

I just got off the Skype chat with the Brit BF. It was the chat I didn't to have. It was awful and painful but honest. I understand his point of view: we're on two different wavelengths and the distance thing was an issue.  The chats and messages sometimes did feel like we were phoning it in but they were the highlight of my day. I know, how pathetic. I can't believe I allowed myself to get so emotional about it. I mean I'm sitting here, in tears, with a runny nose. I don't even know what to do now. I suppose I should take some time before I plunge back into the dating waters. Not that I've had much luck and not hat I know what to do. Seriously, I'm completely clueless about what to do on a date. I guess that makes me normal. I don't want to think about it know. In a sense, I've already mourned the relationship when he asked for a pause. I figured it was going was going to end. I still clung to hope that he would change his mind and, maybe, he still might change his mind but I'm not holding my breathe. I have to move on with my life. Do I think that we would've had a happily ever after?  Now I'll never know. I don't even know if I'll have my happily ever after. I think I just one of those people who are just meant to go through life being unhappy, feeling like I don't deserve anything good. What makes me mad is that he built this whole construct of me and expected me to live up it. It felt impossible. It felt like he refused to see the real me.  The messy complicated me. I'm not as smart as everyone thinks I am. I just know what I know and what I don't know, I learn about it. Right now I just want punch him in the face.  If he wants to continue the call or make up with me, he knows where to find me.