Painful Subject

Hello Everyone:

Mom really made me angry today.  Since this morning, she's been harassing me about one thing or another, specifically about finding work. That was the tipping point. I don't need the constant reminder, it was bad enough when the evil ex used to diminish my employment status, now my own parent. When I was with the evil ex, I worked a respectable part time retail job. It was alright, I could do better but it worked. Anyway, the evil ex pressured me into finding a better paying because he needed my paycheck to help finance his life. Really. He would use my money to pay for his failing bookkeeping business and non-essentials, occasionally throwing me a few dollars for groceries and basic expenses, while I couldn't even afford to pay for a tube of lipstick let alone textbooks I needed for class. I had to ask mom and dad to help me with school. Needless to say, it caused a lot of drama. It also made me quite sensitive to the whole issue of work and money. It's to the point where I get anxious around the whole subject. The late thing to set me off was the annual rent increase notice. While the rent is still below market, it still is a hardship. I know I need to find work and it isn't for lack of trying to find work. I reckon a part time job would take some of the pressure off of me and allow me to cover my own expenses. I just don't want to be constantly reminded of it. It eats a at at my self-esteem. Makes me feel like I don't belong anywhere. Mom even went as far as to suggest I start hitting up my readers for a dollar contribution. I would just feel so bad doing that I don't like to solicit money from people I'm grateful to for clicking on my site. They give give me a sense of self worth and that's something that can't be bought. I love the people who read this blog and my other blog, historicpca.blogspot.com because you let me say whatever I need or want to say without interruption or filter. Priceless. Besides, I'm actually very bad at asking people for money for my own purposes. Anyway, I'll find a job somehow.