I've decided one of my goals for the year is to be less of a pessimist. Not more of an optimist, just less dour in my outlook on life. This one is a real challenge because it seems like there's nothing to look forward to. Nothing to put in faith in or believe that it's all going to be good. Just when I think that something wonderful is about to break, it gets taken away. Even relationships disappear on me. The " nice Jewish boy" is just a hit and run. The Brit BF had to go back to the UK for family reasons. I just feel so empty and miserable. So why should I be less dour? I don't know why. Perhaps I should find a reason or be like one of those people who walk around with a smile on their face all day. You know, " pretend you're happy and G-d will give you a reason to be happy." Tnat would mean I'd have to make nice with the Big Guy, which would really take some doing. I've run out of people and things to blame for my current gray state of mind and turned on the Man in White. I figured, if he/she controls the world then he/she is responsible for my current state. Let back up for a second and explain what a gray state of mind is. Gray is a neutral, it represents the in between. Not happy, not sad, just somewhere in the middle. Which is the way I feel, somewhere between pessimist and optimist-leaning more to the pessimist side. So what would it take to get me to lean toward the other direction. I don't know and I suppose I have to be good with that because it means I can be open to things that come my way. One thing I can do to edge myself toward the optimistic side is filter out the bad parts-people, places, and things that don't make me happy. Breathing and better prioritizing life is also a good start. It's a slow process but I'll just take one day at a time.
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