Second Thoughts About Possible Work

Hello Everyone:

Good news on the job front.  Remember how I was sharing about a historic resources specialist job in the City of Santa Ana?  I applied for it the same time I applied for a job at the Hammer Museum.  I said my luck is such that I'd end up getting that job instead of the one I want.  Well, I received an email from them stating that they want me to schedule an appointment for a video qualification interview.  Essentially, whether or not I get this job will depend on how well I answer the questions in the interview.  I shared the news with the bf and he was happy.  I should be happy right?  I'm having second thoughts.  It doesn't sound like it would be a good use of my time, filling out government issue forms and writing reports that will, in all likelihood, end up in the waste paper bin.  I mean, yes it's great that they want to meet and there's no guarantee that I'll be offered the job-which would be par for the course.  I shared my doubts with the bf and he said to go ahead and schedule the interview.  I almost think what's the point?  I won't get the job anyway so why go through the process?  Then I have to ask myself, am I happy with my life right now?  Do I really want to pass up a chance at a job that would offer me a chance at stability, security, and real independence?  These second thoughts happen everytime I have a chance at something good.  I think this is my way of protecting myself from the inevitable disappointment that comes with the eventual rejection.  I tell myself that this job isn't worth it, I don't have to make a career out of it, or some other reason basically talking myself out it and sabotaging myself.  I don't understand what my hesitancy is about when it comes to work?  Am I afraid that I'll actually like it, make friends, and be good at it?  Am I afraid that it'll take time away from the thing I really like to do, write full and research full time?  I firmly believe that a person should do what they are passionate about and writing one-off historic resource reports and filling out forms isn't what I'm really passionate about.  I like dealing with more substantive issues that have impact.  Researching and writing reports to save some crumbling old building that should be taken down anyway or a dried out patch of grass is not something I'm excited about.  Maybe I'm wrong.  I don't know let me think about it.