My love life has become a bad rom-com. I'm in a physical relationship with the bf and a flirty text relationship with the new guy. As a I said a bad rom-com. Thursday, the new guy and I hung out for awhile at a bookstore cafe. We sat and chatted for a few hours, having a lovely time. He walked me home and, get this, leaned in an gave me a polite peck on the cheek. Unbeliveable. It had me humming "Notorious" the rest of the evening. When did all of this happen? It was never like this in high school or college. I guess I'm a late bloomer. I can't believe this. Is this me? Little miss serious academic type? It seems that suddenly I've become this flirty creature who flits from one guy to the next. I think she was always there and just needed to come out. Not only that, I find that I've become more assertive. I no longer feel intimidated or inhibited about expressing myself. I guess this is what learning to write for myself did for me. I've gained more confidence in myself but the bad rom-com plot line is a whole other story. I don't know if I can call it cheating on the bf or not. Regardless, I kind of, sort of find it amusing to find myself in this situation. The funny thing is I like it. I like being the object of attraction/interest of two very different men. It validates my own esteem. Mind you this coming from someone who really doesn't think of herself as attractive at all. Part of that thinking comes from a place of humility and very low self esteem. I think once I started writing for myself, all that mojo just started coming to the forefront. I don't feel particularly powerful the pretty girls do. I don't feel that I can simply bat an eyelash and men will come running, nor I feel like I can shamelessly tease men. Femme fatal is definitely not the case. I think it comes from a place of growing self-confidence. This growing self-confidence hopefully will carry over into other aspects of my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment