The bug bites are better. My sleep wasn't interrupted by this dull pain in my left shoulder and the redness is fading. That's good. Mom really offended me this morning. I know, what is it now. Mom prepared some food for the latest Jewish holiday and put it in the refrigerator. Since she'll be spending it with Sis and her family, Mom told me I could help myself to whatever, adding that I should leave some for the rest of the week. That set me off. What did she think I was going to do, eat everything sight? I mean what's up with that? Does she think I'm going to eat her out of house and home? First she tells me I'm to slim and then she tells me not everything in the kitchen. Talk about mixed messages. All my life I heard how much Mom admires women with slim figures. Now that I have a similar figure, I'm deemed unhealthy. Then I'm told don't eat everything, the implication being I'm fat. Which is it? Better yet, shut the f__k up. I'm tired of all the weight related bulls__t. Stop with the mixed messages, stop with trying to force feed me, just stop it already. Stop making me feel even more self conscious than I am. I already feel like I'm fat so don't make it worse. Stop making food such a central focus. The focus on food is one of the reasons that I really stopped celebrating any holiday. The feeding and cooking insanity just became too much and detracted my understanding and enjoyment of any holiday. It seemed like that was the only thing anyone wanted to do or talk about. Personally, I just got disgusted by the platters of greasy vile looking dishes. Why anyone would consider eating something so unappealing is beyond me. Even in the preparation stage, it looks and smells nasty. So Mom, in response to your implication that I'm fat and will eat you out of house and home, why would I touch your disgusting looking food?
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