I Sound Resentful, Don't I?

Hello Everyone:

After another restful sleep, I feel more refreshed.  I think part has to do with the fact that Mom is off celebrating the latest Jewish holiday with Sis and her family.  Since no one said anything to me, I'm not partaking in the festivities.  Not that I would anyway because I really can't stand prolonged meals.  It's funny, yesterday evening while I was eating dinner, Mom remembered to ask me if I was planning to come for lunch today.  Um, no.  Why would I?  It's like I really want to be there and I don't think I'm welcome anyway.  I know that last statement sounds like I'm making it about me again but I figure this daily self-confessional is a safe space to air all my self centeredness without filter or backlash.  Besides I'd rather spend the time doing what feel is something more useful than trying to be civil to people I can't stand to be around.  Also like most holidays, it's not about the real significance of it, it's about the meal.  Whatever.  Unfortunately, Mom comes back on Thursday evening.  I hope I find some employment soon so I can start saving up to move out.  I feel more relaxed and less stressed away from Mom, Sis, and everyone else.  One other thing, also over dinner last evening, Mom once again mentioned my birthday.  She pointed out that it was on a Saturday this year.  Since it's a milestone birthday, she decided she wants to make a party for me.  After the way I got f__ked over at graduation, I told her that she could whatever she wanted but include me out.  Yes, I'm still pissed.  What makes me even angrier about it is the selfish attitudes, "I should just be grateful that anyone showed up, we have errands to run so we can't  celebrate your achievement..."  Then they tried to append it to Teenage nephew's birthday party and even worse, make me sit there watch them make a big fuss over  his f__king middle school graduation the following year.  When I pointed this out to Mom, she did her obligatory feeling guilty routine and offered to make it up to me.  I told her to go f__k herself.  I don't want some token party.  So, Mom I don't want to take part in birthday party this or any other year.