Right now I'm stuck in Kaiser hell as once again, I'm hauling mom to the md. I'm really pissed at her today because once again I'm not getting my way and feeling sorry for myself. These adult tantrums are really not that mature are they? Rnetorical question. Mostly, it's coming from place of always being told "no" all the time for every little thing. I try to be patient, in fact I remind myself every single day. However, something always seems to set me off. I've somehow gotten in my mind that everyone else, ie everyone name Cooper, get all the love and kindness while get nothing. Sometimes it feels that I can't even get a kind word out of anyone, anyone related to me. This genuinely sucks. It seems like anyone named Cooper can be a serial killer and that's all well and fine while I have the thankless task of dealing with mom on a daily basis. O.K. Now I'm really feeling sorry for myself. Not good. This wallowing in self-pity is really eating away at me. Unfortunately the bf has been in the audience for my pity parties and I feel bad about. Yet he seems to know how to deal. It just makes me so mad when I feel unappreciated. I've given up on waiting the kind word and just decided to go the stuff. It just seems easier that way, something more tangible than waiting for a kind word or an expression of gratitude or acknowledgment from people who seem physically and mentally incapable of so do. Whatever.
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