Truly Alone

Hello Everyone: I took the afternoon to job search and ended up sending off three applications for different retail jobs in the area. Not too bad.I still think that I'm going to be recalled to work and if it happens, then great. I checked in with my original recruiter to find out if she had an update and her answer was no. I guess she'll know when I know. What makes me think that I'll be recalled is the current COVID news. My guess is that if the tracer job starts up again, then it'll be a leaner operation. Not as many people and, perhaps everyone work a 9-to-5:30 shift, Monday through Friday. I can do that. For now I have to act as if that's not the case and look for more stable work. I look and I find. The trick is to get in the door. If I have to work a weekend day, then so be it. Sometimes you have to do what you need to do. The worst part of all this is the sudden and overwhelming loneliness I feel. After mum passed away, I didn't feel so lonely because I was already used to being by myself. I was fine until recently when I found myself wallowing in how lonely and isolated I feel. There are days when I barely have any contact with another person. I know the world is opening back up and most of the restrictions have been lifted but I really have no place to go. It's not like anyone knows I'm here. The only time Sis and BIL talk to me is when they text me about something or another and our weekly lunches. It's not that I need regular check-ins but it would be nice if someone stopped by just to say hello. Maybe the need for human interaction and a steady paycheck is guiding my choices right now. That's okay. I was also toying with the idea of turning over the cooking, cleaning, and bill paying to someone else. This live alone stuff is really getting to me and causing me to lose sleep and get headaches. It was nicer when mum was around to take care of some the stuff but, right now, I really wish someone else would takeover for awhile so I can step back and get myself together. I feel like I'm spiraling out of control and need some help. I can't go to Sis and BIL because I exhausted their benevolence. The Brit BF is off in the clouds somewhere and who knows when and if he'll get his development deal. I think this is the first time I've ever felt truly alone and unsure of myself. I wish I had someone to take care of me right now.