Better

Hello Everyone:

I think I'm falling in love again. I didn't think that I was possible after the Brit BF but I think I'm in love with the Sometime BF. He genuinely wants to spend time with me and makes a real effort. I appreciate that. More than that, it's his boyish enthusiasm for life that kind of does it. He also ticks off all the boxes for me. He's not perfect-thank goodness-but I like him enough. There isn't that sense of unease I had with the Brit BF.  I think it's because the Sometime BF and I have known each other for a long time.  The thing is I still have strong feelings for the Brit BF. If he wanted to resume the relationship, I wouldn't object but there would have to be some boundaries.  I love the Brit BF's ambition. He's a man who knows what he wants from life and goes after it. I always wished for that for myself. Most days, I'm just happy to make it to the end. I used to have goals but since grad school, I've found that ambition is pretty useless. It sounds like I've given up but yes, well, I have given up. I have no real reason to expect better. Someone this morning said something that kind of apropos, "how can you want something you've never had?"  I've never had better, so why should want it. I'm just accept my lot in life and don't ask for anything more. Do I want better?  Yes, don't we all? What does it look like?  What does better and good look like?  I guess rss I have to figure that out on my own.