New Outer Shell

Hello Everyone:

My day started well enough. I got all my chores done but I started getting really irritated with it all. It was hot and I was getting tired, popping off at mom. By the time I finished my shower, I was in a better mood. The free sugar-free latte also helped my mood. That was until I got to the department store and suffered a bout of anxiety. I had no idea what to buy or what size I need. Really. I haven't shopped for myself in a long time. It was mind boggling. I thought I might get a bathrobe but I ended up blowing off the salesperson and heading over to the cosmetics department to get a couple of things I needed. The whole experience upset me. It's like on the one hand I need new clothes but on the other hand my current collection is like well worn armor. It protects me from people looking at me and thinking that I'm attractive.  I kind of am attractive but I just don't like people noticing me. It took me a while to get used to the Brit BF telling me how gorgeous I am. I guess I don't like people noticing me. Also, giving up my old clothes is scary. It means I have to change, stop hiding from the world. I feel comfortable hiding out from everyone. I don't have make contact with anyone and I can be whoever I want to be without judgements. My well worn clothes are my outer protective shell I don't want to give up. Being in a department store with all those things shocked me. It meant that I had to pick something and try it on. A new shell. I can't deal with the anxiety.