Hello Everyone:
Yesterday's lunch with the family was a low key affair. Sis and company were a little tired from a short getaway and a late night. There was plenty of food but not enough liquor. Pity. I think my problem is anxiety. I say this because any time there is a slight change in my routine, especially when it involves family, I get anxious. I don't know why this is but there it is. Maybe I'm so worried about being judged by them. Also, I don't feel completely accepted by them because I never towed the company line. They say I'm an important member but I don't feel it. Instead, I feel more like a second class person. In response, I tend not to participate in family activities. When they come over, I get anxious because I feel like I have to subvert myself. Mom doesn't help matters when she says things like "No one wants to come over because if me." Sometimes I do lash out at people because I don't want people to get to know me. I don't want to pretend I'm someone I'm not. So who am I? As I'm sure you've figured out that I'm a very confused, angry,neurotic, vain, high strung person. I don't know if I can find anything nice to say about myself. Well, if I try, I could say that I'm a nice enough person, a loyal friend. I guess those are good qualities. I can't think of anything else. I just have a hard time believing any of the good things anyone has to say about me. The bad stuff I have an easier time with because I'm not used to anything good. Enough feeling sorry for myself.
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