Birthday Wish

Hello Everyone:

Thank goodness another birthday done for the year. Fortunately there was minimal acknowledgement. Unfortunately, mom and sis insisted on making a fuss after I said no. Specifically, taking me out for my birthday and doing more than just a simple bouquet of flowers.  It just makes me feel so embarrassed. I feel like I'm putting people out. I know I should let people do something nice for me once in a while but it's just so hard because I'm still not really accustomed to it. I feel like I don't deserved it.  So, I tend to sometimes sabotage efforts some one makes to do something nice. Like this evening. I walked out on mom and sis at cafe we went to. In my defense, there was nothing on the menu that leapt out, there was no place to sit, and the service was terrible. All of the above coupled with the fact that I really miss the Brit BF. I should've Skyped with him today, like normal. He promised this would be the last birthday I spend unhugged and unkissed. I applaud his determination but I'm not pinning all my hopes on this. I wish I could be more optimistic, like him, but I've he so little to feel good about over the last few years. No one can give me the birthday wishes I keep asking for, a job and independence.  I also want my handsome prince and happily ever after but that seems out of reach. My only birthday wish is to have genuinely happy birthday.