Today is the last day of Passover and I'm already looking forward to returning to some sense of normalcy. It hasn't been a particularly stressful holiday and it hasn't been joyful. It just passed. I've never felt very connected to this or any other or anyone else's holiday. If I we're come up with a reason for why this is so, Inthink it would be that each holiday felt more like an obligation rather than something I want to happily participate. That and the boredom that sets after a short while. It just left me cold and wondering why am I doing this. In the last few years, I've been feeling left out of the festivities. It's been more like "what meal are you coming to?" I'll admit that part of it is me. I simply don't want to be there. I don't any sort of bond of kinship or friendship to anyone. The other part of it is I feel like I'm being systematically cut out of the circle because I don't quite fit the role I've been assigned to play. You know, the good observant girl. That role never suited me. It felt false. I once dated a guy who was more more observant than I. I never felt comfortable with him. Part of it was his neediness and the other part was I didn't want to pretend that I was something I'm not. With regards to Passover, it's always felt like a burden rather than something joyful. That's not a way to approach anything, religious or otherwise. So, I'm really looking forward to returning to status quo this evening. There's one more big holiday coming up but at least it features cheesecake. How that came about, I have no idea but I'm not objecting. Otherwise, life moves on.
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