Yesterday evening I got a loud reminder of just how far down I am. In the of a date with the bf, Mom calls to inform me that someone was looking to serve me papers in order to try collect an old debt. That kind of killed my evening. It's not like I have any money so they can win all the judgements they want, I have nothing. I really don't have a penny to my name and I doubt I will. If, by some remote chance, I do land any job my wages would garnished and I'd still have nothing to live on. The bf, for all of his frustrating attitude, kept me from throwing a pity party for myself. He did his best to boost my spirits. Just when I want to break up with him, does things like that. What an a@&hole. Seriously, I just don't know what I'm going to do anymore. I send out CVs for positions I feel confident about but nothing comes off it or I get a rejection letter. In the meantime, I have to rely on handouts which me me feel like a big burden, piling on more guilt. Sometimes I think I should looke for work in a foreign country, but playing geographics is not the answer. I don't even know what the answer is anymore. I mean I do but I don't. I'm not making sense any more. Ugh, this is so maddening. So not fair. I can't deal with any of the crap constantly being heaped at me. Faith and optimism don't exist here.
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