Mom came home yesterday evening. Joy. I guess it's back to status quo around the house. I really prefer not to have her around so much because I'm so tired of her self-centered Ramblings. I feel more relaxed when I'm away from her. Truthfully, I don't even miss mom. When she was in Israel a year and half ago, I didn't miss her at all. I didn't. I was too busy finishing my thesis and concerned about other things to even notice that mom was away. I know it sounds horrible but I'm not that sentimental about people. I don't wonder what the bf is doing while he's away. I don't dwell on other people in my life. They're around, fine, they're not, that's fine. I suppose you could call it a form of detachment that borders on apathy. I call it a defense mechanism. See, the ex was always spending time away from our place because for some reason or another it was my fault that the relationship wasn't working. I was the one with all the all the problems, I wasn't seeking treatment, et cetera. I got so used to being left out of things that I just developed this hard shell. I just learned to immediately disconnect from all relationships so that way when the inevitable hurt and abandonment sets in I'm protected. That doesn't mean I don't hurt, I just don't say anything. Mom has hurt my feelings over and over again. Of course, she's not to blame for it. No, neither her nor SIs are ever to blame, they're so bloody perfect. Rather than then get upset, I just detach. I don't care if either one is in my life or not. When mom goes away for a few days, I don't miss her at all. I just go about my business as usual, the only difference being I don't have the incessant self-centered chatter in the background and I can actually enjoy reading during the meal without fear of interruption.
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