Once again, a perfectly good Thursday wasted on housework, leaving me in terrible mood. I'm finding myself just picking arguments with whoever is available. I really ought to stop doing this. It's bad habit. I just feel like nothing more than household help, unappreciated household help. However, I like a reasonably clean place to live so scrub away I must. The laundry I can deal with because in the time it takes, I can do other things. Enough complaining about the housework, I sound like some overly frazzled hausfrau.
So mom is home all day and I'm really avoiding spending any quality time with her. She's just gotten so difficult that's making me crazy. I really wish I could just find a way to permenantly get out of thT place. I feel so trapped by her dysfunctional attitude. I often feel like I can't leave the house because it means having to play twenty questions and it's not worth it. I can't even stand the food she prepares for herself. I think I just have reached the point of my new found vegetarianism where I can't stand the smell of animal protein. It's like I'm just flaws with everything about mom. Sometimes I just make up stuff to pick a fight. I don't mean to but I'm just fed up with everything and everyone. Sometimes I feel like I just don't know what to do first. Thanks to the World Wide Web, there are so many ways to go. I feel like I'm bombarded all the time with suggestions. I just wish I had someone to take me by the hand, metaphorically speaking and show what to do. I think that's part of my problem, I've been expected to just figure things out on my own for so long that finding and accepting guidance from anyone or anything is a foreign concept. When I ask for guidance, I get turned away. Sometimes I just can't win for trying.
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