Finally winter weather. Hurray. It's cold and damp, I love it. Yesterday evening I returned to the academic nest and was very happy to be there. It's funny, when I graduated I said to myself "can't wait to see this place in the rear view mirror." Now I'm happy to be back. Real life sucks. I actually have to pay for stuff. Nobody is coddling me. This pampered poodle feels unloved. It was like, just as I got comfortable, they tell me it's time to graduate. Humph. Anyway, I reconnected with some people and made some new contacts. I'm not getting my hopes up for anything concrete. I think I've fallen back into the despair of never finding any meaningful employment. I'm not giving up the job search, it's just I feel like nothing ever going to happen. Living with mom and being the object of pity is my life. It sucks and I often feel like no one wants to reach out and lend a hand. I don't mean handout, I mean hire me or at least give me an interview. I don't ask for much, just a hand. I can do the work. It's not fair that everyone else seems to be quite comfortable with their lives and I'm insecure. I know feelings aren't facts but there they are. I also know that the grass always looks greener on the other side but all fertilized with the same thing. Still the grass is greener. When do I get my happy life? Does the universe really hate me that much?
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