Yesterday I Did something positive,maim applied for a job at the J. Paul Getty Museum. They advertised an opening for a social media writer/editor. It sounds like a good fit for me. Still there's a part me that thinks it's a big waste of time because, they'll probably go with someone else. I won't even get called for an interview. Like I've been saying, hope is something I really don't have anymore. I just can't get excited about it. Let me clarify, I won't let myself get excited, too many rejection letters. I found this opening when I was looking at another opening and decided that the Getty job sounded better. I don't expect anything to come out of it, still, it's only an online application. One in a long string of applications. I get so tired of filling out applications, uploading resumes, references, et cetera. I wish something would click so I can stop this exercise in tedium. Yes, I'm tired and frustrated with the whole job search. It's like why bother anymore. What I don't get is why is this all on me? I ask this all the time and never get anything that comes close to an answer. I just want to give up. Something in me says keep going, you'll make it. I wish that voice inside would shut the f@$k up. Stop egging me to go on, fill out one more application, upload one more resume. Doesn't understand it's just an exercise in futility. That effing voice just won't listen to me, it just keeps chattering away like some magpie. Ugh. Well, whatever comes of this application will be what will be. I have no allusions.
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