Gloom

Hello Everyone:

I'm still feeling a very angry and sad over everyone and everything.  I feel like there's more nothing I can do to help my situation.  All the hoop jumping I have to do just to get health insurance is just another reminder of the fact that I'm unemployed and can't even seem to get an interview with anyone.  The bf is a flake, the doctoral student is unreliable, it feels like the whole world has turned it's back on me.  Even the Man in White.   I'm just so frustrated.  It's like money matter what I do, nothing seems to stick.  I send out CVs and nothing, except an occasional acknowledgment that my information was received.  Do you know how frustrating that is. I've reacted by just shutting down.  I've basically haven't been talking for the last too days. This silent treatment has pissed mom off to no end but that's more her problem than mine.  I just don't feel chatty or social right now.  I'm look at working as a way to fix all what ails me.  It's more of a means to end.  I need the income in order to eliminate or reduce the debt, move out, put food on the table, keep the lights on, and buy a tube of lipstick.  Working will not make me healthier or prettier.  It'll make me a little happier and richer but that's it.  All I want is a chance to feel like a person again. To feel like I'm a contributing member of society.  I just want be able to buy nice shoes.  I just wish some lasting good would happen, not that I would know what some lasting good thing would like.  I've never experienced long-term happiness or even medium length happiness, I've just learned to grab on to anything good that walks into my life.