I've been having a crappy afternoon. My increasing frustration with health insurance bureaucracy just well up into a full blown rage. The fact that I have to jump through these paper work hoops just serves as another reminder of my unemployed status. I'm so angry that I just started taking out my rage on mom. To make matters worse, the bf can't make movie night, has to work late. I literally in tear. Mostly I pissed to high hell at G-d. If my higher power is supposed love me and wants me to be happy the how does the Man in White explain nearly two years of being miserable. I don't really care to hear that there is a purpose to all this misery. That's a big load of bollocks. I don't need instant gratification, just some sign that life is picking up. I just decided I've had enough of believing, mumbling prayers, performing rituals and divorced my higher power. I've been feeling very disconnected for a very long time anyway. I can't relate to any concept of a higher power. Now seems like the time to make the break. I don't know what comes next. I don't feel liberated, just angry. That's all I feel. Anger and despair. I feel like there is no hope anymore. It's all just black.
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