For some reason or another, the universe hasn't turned it's back on me completely. Yesterday when I was checking my inbox, I found two job alerts that piqued my interest: an editor job at the Los Angeles Times and a planner position in the City of Palo Alto, California, an upscale college town in the south San Francisco Bay Area. Nice. So maybe there is some hope. I just feel like no one gets where I'm coming from. I mean it's not easy sending out resumes and struggling the I am. Injust feel so isolated and alienated. Why is it so hard for me to find a bit of long-term happiness? It so not fair that other people seem to have such an easy time and I have to struggle for everything? I know the grass always looks greener but stil what's wrong with me? I can't help but internalize all the negativity. It's been heaped on me time and time again. It seems that everytime I try dig my way out, more crap gets piled on and I'm back at the start. There's just no end in sight. I'm not such a bad person that I deserve all these gloom. I feel like the biblical Job, "why have you forsaken me?" In Job's case, G-d responded with a deluge of rhetorical questions which led Job to conclude that the Man in White was everywhere and all the good, bad, and catastrophic events, including Job's miserable state, were part of the great master plan that required faith. Faith in the grand master plan for me is something I have very little of. I'm pretty much out of having faith in anyone or anything. I'm not asking for some grand gesture on the part of the Man in White, just some nuggets. You know bread crumbs on trail for me to follow that's all. Are you listening?
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