High Holiday Thoughts

Hello Everyone:

We are almost to the benchmark 1500 page views, yeah.  I'm grateful for your continued support.  Right now I especially need to write with the big Jewish holidays upon me.  All the tension and dysfunction that goes with it can get a bit much.  I'm trying to maintain some level of sanity by imposing and enforcing boundaries but you how some people can make so difficult.  Truthfully, I've steadily lost interest in the whole ritual and celebration.  It seems to me that the performance of it is more important than the meaning.  Also the whole emphasis on the meals has become ridiculous.  I know that holiday meals are a way for families to come together but they're not the only thing.  Also, all the cooking is too much.  I never saw a need to make so many dishes per course.  I'm a firm believer in editing the menu from the less point of view.  Even weekly get togethers can take on epic proportions.  For example, last week the bf came over for a Friday meal.  It was last minute but mom didn't mind.  Instead she was moaning about how she didn't prepare enough food.  Like soup, chicken, two sides, and dessert wasn't enough.  It was.  I prefer a low-key approach.  This usually puts me at odds with everyone else.  So I just end up tuning out the whole thing.  Maybe if and and when I get my own place and I can do as please.  In the interim I just have to struggle to find some balance.  It's strange that no one notices how alienated I feel from the whole religion thing.  This feeling of alienation stems being told what I have to think and do.  Further, I feel patronized and condescended to by others.  Doesn't anyone realize that despite all my supposed knowledge of religious Jewish subjects, I just genuinely cannot relate to any of it within the context of my life.  Religion is personal matter to me.  It's not something I feel comfortable publicly talking about or performing, this blog not withstanding.  The whole performance of a ritual seems devoid of meaning and feeling for me.  I don't even like going into a synagogue because it always feels cold and empty.  I can't explain this to anyone in my family because they won't understand.  They practice because that's what they're told to do.  While I don't question their beliefs, I do wonder why?