More Venting

Hello Everyone:

I really wish I was somewhere else.  Mum has been extremely difficult the past few days for no reason other than she can.  It got to a point yesterday evening where I just couldn't take it anymore and broke out in tears.  I couldn't even enjoy my supper.  That's how upset I was.  Mum just doesn't get that I can't constantly supervise her ladies-in-waiting while she sits in her room either on the phone or with her prayer book, completely checked out.  We've had that conversation a number of times and she doesn't seem to get it.  I tell her that she needs to work the her ladies and supervise them, especially in the kitchen.  When I say work her ladies, I mean give them tasks to do.  I can't begin to tell you how many times I see them sitting around doing something on their phones instead of doing something like offering to run an errand for mum or sorting out the visiting nurse supplies.  I don't expect them to clean the house or cook our meals, that's not in their job description, but I don't like to see them doing nothing all the time.  Mum's childish behavior is another part of the problem.  She sulks and pouts when she doesn't get her way.  The worst of it is the litany of excuses she gives me for hiding out in her room.  She doesn't want to be a bother to anyone or she simply can't--in all fairness she does have days when she really can't do anything.  The problem is that it's hard to tell when mum is just making an excuse and when she means because she says "I can't" so often that it's lost it's power.  I suspect she just wants people to finally give up on her.  That's not going to happen.  I think she would like to get rid of all the people, medicines, machines and let nature take its course.  Well that's not going to happen either.  What is going to happen is that one day she's going to push people too far and she'll be left with no one.  I certainly don't plan to come to her rescue.  I need to rescue myself from this situation for my own sake.  The pandemic has put a cramp into that plan but eventually I will have my wish granted: my independence from this toxic situation.