Lately I've been enjoying my alone time. My alone time is usually when neither bf calls or messages and I can do whatever I need or want to do. Yet, when either guy contacts me, I find it intrusive. It's strange because I enjoy both their company, especially bf #2, yet I cannot wait for either one of them to leave me alone. I can't decide if I'm happier being in a relationship or not. I certainly don't need a man to complete me. I've never been one of those women who feels that's it's necessary to have a significant other in their life. I could never understand women who feels that if she doesn't have a significant other in her life, the she has no life at all. I certainly don't buy into that whole traditional marriage and children thing, never have, too false. I enjoy each bf's company but I also need my space. Thankfully, each is at some distance so I don't have to see them all the time. BF #1 only calls when he wants to get together and bf #2 is in the UK, calls once or twice a week, and messages me daily. This works for me because I don't feel crowded. I think part of this sense of claustrophobia is due to the fact that I experience mom all the time and she's really getting on my nerves. Like yesterday, I went to get my hair trimmed and all she kept saying was "let me se it." I felt so self-conscious, not because I had a bad hair cut, it's just that she's so obsessed with everything about me that it drives me up a tree. Bf #1 is like that also. So whenever I have alone time, I enjoy it to the fullest. Something about being the center of attention, for any reason, has never sat too well with me. This one reason I write, I can hide behind my words. I'm just very anxious at the prospect of following through on bf #2's suggestion about podcasting because that would force me front and center.
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