What is it about some people that just know how to push your buttons? Yes, I'm speaking of dear old mom again. Yesterday evening we were sitting and having a quiet dinner when she tried to start up about my lack of employment and the need to help out with expenses. This is a difficult subject for me because I don't what to say, I feel bad as it is already that I can't do more, and the way she begins the "conversation" is usually in a hostile manner. I've taken to responding with a few well aimed quills. This is one of those subjects that I find it difficult to talk about because all I can do is repeat the same old lines and get into some great big emotional argument. I try to avoid the latter. In essence I've pretty much shut down any dialogue with mom other than "news, weather, and sports." It sometimes seems like whatever I say or do devolves into an argument. More to the point mom has historically had this ability to say something that gets to me and like an idiot, I fall for it. I'm trying to avoid these confrontations as much as I can. Most of the time, I blow mom off with some hostile response. It's rude and disrespectful but sometimes I have to be rude to make my point. Mom always complains that she can't say anything to me but the reality, at least from my perspective, is that mom should examine the way in which she brings up topics. Often it's with a critical edge that puts me on the defensive. Then she tries to draw me in. No one, certainly not me, likes to have their meals turned into an interrogation session but that's what these "conversations" feel like. I've tried to bring up the my perspective before but she can't see, to grasp it. Mom seems to think she's doing nothing wrong. I've just given up in utter frustration.
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