Why Is It So Hard

Hello Everyone: Today was kind of a chill day. I applied to some more jobs and got some blogging done. I had to wait a little while to shower and do the dishes because building maintenance shut down the water to do some repairs. No big deal, I really hadn't planned on going anywhere. I briefly chatted with the Brit BF today to find out if he got some rest and he did. He's not too upset over not signing a deal with the studio. The way I see it, it wasn't a no and it wasn't a yes. It was more like "show me how it fits with the brand." I think that once he gets together with a writer and puts together a pilot script,he could sell it. There are other studios he could approach as well and he seems optimistic. I really do love his optimism. I try to channel it but it's hard sometimes because everything feels like a struggle. Sometimes I think potential employers see my resume and automatically reject me. I keep hearing that I should do what I love. I love to teach, research, and write. I'd love to find a job where I can do all three. The ideal place is a post-secondary institution and I have an opportunity to pursue it. I don't know what's preventing me from doing it. I guess it's my own fear that nothing will come out of it. I keep thinking about the struggle I had trying finding a job after I finished university and grad school. I don't understand why it's always been so hard for me. I'm smart, I have skills, a nice person, and can work hard. I don't understand why it's so hard. I keep hearing that I have to put myself out there and I do but it can feel like I'm shouting into the echo chamber. When do I get my big break?