It's All Good

Hello Everyone: It was a bit of a chaotic morning dealing with the whole rent thing (resolved) and the school district application. Actually, the school district application was easy. I finally got into my application that had been sitting there for ten years. Can you believe it? It sat there for ten years untouched until today. I thought it would've been deleted but no. Fine I just had to make some changes and I'll pick it up over the weekend. One thing though, I may have to get my basic skills test scores in after the deadline for the summer group. Given that one of the subjects is math, not my best subject, I don't want to rush it. If I get it in late, then fine. Maybe I would qualify to work as a teacher assistant or something else. I just want to get in the door and I think I have an entry. The whole rent and district application thing blew my blogging concentration. I really couldn't focus on what I was writing about. I got through part of it then realized my brain was going elsewhere so I stopped for the day. Really, stuff like paying the rent and filling out a job application isn't the most or least stressful thing. These are things that just have to get done. However since mum's passing, it feels like I have to do everything all at once. Even worse, I feel like there's scrutiny because no believes that I can take care of myself. I don't why anyone would think that. I can only speculate that mum may have said something to someone or someones over the years. I'm probably being paranoid, my anxiety issues do that. Something to work on in the new year. I have to trust the process and know that I'm not alone. I've been reaching to people that can help me with issues as they come up. For the most part, everyone's been helpful like one of people at PLB resident accounting. She was able to help me resolve the whole epay the rent. Not helpful was my bank's customer service number. I gave up and sent them an email. I reached out to my job coach to find out about getting financial assistance for the exam. She's usually good about returning my emails. Right now, it's hard to believe that everything will work out if I trust the process but I have no choice. It's better than giving into the anxiety. I think the anxiety is coming out of all the neat little compartments I put it in. I'm very good at compartmentalizing everything. In one sense, it keeps me focused on the immediate,and on in another sense,that compartment can get so full that nothing can fit anymore. That leads to messiness and I don't like messiness. I just keep telling myself that it's all good, even if I don't believe it because eventually,it will be true.