Weepy Mess

 

Hello Everyone:

My week is off to a nice start.  I decided to slowly work my way back to getting up with the alarm and go running early.  I'll do it, I just need to ease my way back.  I also decided to go to the PLB Activities Center patio to work and make use of the free WiFi.  That didn't work out so well and I went back home.  The job coach I spoke with sent me some good feedback about resume that I plan to look over more thoroughly and incorporate into the existing document.  Some of it is job specific and some of it is more general.  I also spoke with a social worker from the same organization who was very kind and offered to check in with me once a week just to talk.  I think it would be good for me to speak to someone about everything that's on my mind.  Hopefully I can do it with turning into a bawling mess.  Ever since mum died I've tried to hold it together and most days, I'm too pre-occupied with taking the steps I need to take to a more secure and stable future.  There those moments where I do start crying because something or someone says, however unintentionally, that trigger an emotional response.  That's when it's hard to stay calm.  I don't like loosing control because it feels like a sign of weakness and confirms that I'm too emotional to adequately deal with anything.  My sister is the bloodless one.  Apparently she conveys the impression that she's better suited to take charge because she suppresses her emotions and I can't be trusted to decide what shade of lipstick to wear.  It genuinely sucks to thought of that way because it feels like no matter what I say or do, I'll be considered the emotionally fragile one who needs to be taken care of. How wrong can some people--i.e sis and mum--be?  You know what?  I'm not going stay up nights obsessing about this or scheming ways to prove the naysayers wrong.  I'm just going to do what I need to do and let the results speak for themselves.