Resentful

 

Hello Everyone:

Finally, the blog app is working the way it should.  It only took all day and I probably lost a great post celebrating VPOTUS Joe Biden's newly anointed running mate and my Senator Kamala Harris.  I'm so excited about that ticket.  What I'm not excited about is the fact that mum decided to put sis and the BIL in charge of making decisions regarding her medical care (no longer applicable) and will.  I really resent feeling powerless over things that affect me.  I don't entirely trust them one way or the other but I really don't have any alternative at the moment.  I can't get mad at mum because she had to go an die on me.  Thanks mum.  What I can say to her is I hate that you don't trust me to make informed decisions about anything or assume that I don't want to be bothered by any of it.  You had confidence in me about making decisions for the house but why not the big things?  Did you think I couldn't deal with it? I would get too upset?  No, not if you lay out the facts in a clear precise manner.  No, you assumed that I that just don't care or not interested.  So now you reduce me to sucking up to the BIL in order to get what I want done.  I hope that when you watch your life on playback, you finally see all the resentment and hurt feelings you caused me by words and actions.  You're lucky that the BIL mostly leaves me alone and respects my decisions.  You know sitting Shiva and listening to all your friends and acquaintances fondly reminisce about you, I thought to myself, you really don't know how destructive you could be.  You thought throwing stuff at me would make up for it.  No, I would've gladly given all the stuff away for one kind word, something you were incapable of.  You thought I could just sense how your pride and affection in me.  No, I failed mind reading.  You were nothing more than a cold, heartless, uncompassionate person.  You played favorites, lied to me and about me.  I really have to struggle to find some nice memory about you.  I just remember small snatches of things, neither good nor bad.  Regardless, I will not let you or anyone else have power over me.