I Can Do This

Hello Everyone:

Well, the first round of major Jewish holidays are upon us and mum is refusing to leave me alone over the meals. I tried to back out of it, telling her I'll just help myself but she is absolutely insisting I join her. It's pure torture for me just to sit there and pretend I enjoy her company. She just doesn't get how much I'd rather be elsewhere. She just doesn't get how little the holidays mean to me. They used to be kind of important but over the past several years, I found that they have no significance for me. The insignificance stems from my failure to connect with the meaning and ritual of it all. It just seems so forced. I was always told "this is what you do" very little of why it was important to me. I also can't stand the family-centric nature that of it. I really don't have anyone. It's kind of by choice because I'm so soured on my family.  Come to think of it, I doubt I'll be able to fit into the Sometime BF's family. They're close with each other and my idea of family closeness is me in my separate space and them somewhere far away.  I just can't stand the way everyone puts on such a big show of togetherness whenever the holidays come around. Anyway, the good part about the next few days is I'll plenty of time to myself. Mum'll be out tomorrow afternoon as well as all day Friday through Saturday. This means I can do as I please. The only downside is I did tell sis I'd come to dinner Friday evening. That should be okay. At least there'll be liquor. I just wish the Sometime BF was here so I don't have to sit alone at the table. Sure there are other people but I feel like such a pariah being a single woman. Well I can get through the next few weeks with the help of a good book or two or three and plenty of time to myself.