Want My Guy Back

Hello Everyone:

First full mom-less day. For the most part, it was a day like any other but I woke up without that feeling of doom. I think my jaw is beginning to unclench and the pounding my head has stopped. Mom is still annoying me via poorly spelled text messages. She even regretted going on the trip because she thought I was mad at her about. Mind you, this was a text sent from London so turning around and coming back was out of the question. So she's officially in Israel. Good. In the meantime, I was hoping to watch, at least, part of a movie this evening but that's not happening. I'll just have to block out the time tomorrow. Unfortunately, I can't keep it beyond tomorrow.  That sucks. Well sometimes, one must do what one must do. Anyway, on the plus side, I mailed off a birthday card for the Brit BF and ordered his present. Another neutral gift. I'm getting tired of sending him neutral things. I want to do something special like prepare a meal of Nigerian food. He's Afro-English. I want to do something more personal but this separation drives me insane. I was so hoping to be at the stage where we're under the same roof plotting a future together but that's not happening right now. Typical of my life, something great comes along and it gets snatched away from me. I'm almost willing to lay good odds that if I get this job with the City Planning Department, that get snatched away too. Every birthday and holiday that passes makes me miss more and more. I see people having a good time with their loved ones and I have no one. My family?  What about them? Every happy moment is just routine, no real emotion to it. Besides, after they screwed me on my graduation, I don't want them celebrating with me anymore. The Brit BF is different, he is genuinely supportive of me. I am genuinely supportive of him. I love him for that and many other reasons. That's why I get so crazy around our birthdays and holidays because he's not here. I don't want to break up with him because this the first relationship I feel confident about even when I doubt my place. I just want him here, with me or me there with him. I don't care. I just want him back for good.