Let Me Wallow

Hello Everyone:

I'm ready to punch mom and the Brit BF in the mouth. They keep giving me encouragement and it's driving me up a tree. They won't let me wallow in my pessimism. It's like mom and the Brit BF are rooting for me. The Brit BF, okay, that's his job but mom being supportive?  Since when?  I still think the whole thing is a complete waste of time but whatever. I had a random thought today. I was walking through the local mall and thought, you know the whole real job thing would give me the ability to walk into any store and get whatever I need or want.  Just that knowledge gave me a sense of empowerment. Knowing that I could have the means to walk into Michael Kors and buy any handbag I want was a thrill. The real thrill is having the means to finally gain my independence was even greater. To know that if I go all the way and get this job, I could gain my physical and financial independence is the biggest charge of all. But that's all speculation. I still feel like I'd be better off blowing the whole off but mom is insisting I go. She used the whole "you should go because you never know and if you don't go, you'll never know."  Hate her.  The Brit BF told me to breathe, relax, and conversate. Hate him. Ugh.