Disconnect

Hello Everyone:

Another good in the blogosphere has left me kind of brain dead. I posted a random sampling of the newly inscribed World Heritage Sites. It was a nice tour around the world. Now, I'm ready to crash. So if I sound like I'm rambling, it's because my brain is on shut down mode. Mom and I haven't rekindled our discussion about the Passover trip to Israel.  We might take it up again over the weekend. Essentially, I'm not a hundred percent sure I want to go. I really don't have anything to say to the people who are supposedly related to me, I'm not up for any big Passover thing, nor do I want to get dragged along to every religious site, except one that made the World Heritage Site list this year. Another thing, mom has been dropping hints about recommitting to a more observant life. Sorry, it's really not for me. No religion does it for me. I just don't feel the same way as someone who is religious. I never felt that spiritual uplift you get from praying or ritual observance. It leaves me blank. I can't even fake it anymore. I wish mom could understand this. I'm good with this because having Atheistic leanings feels more authentic than pretending to follow a faith I've never felt genuinely connected to. It's not that I hate the faith I was brought up in, it's just that I never felt any sense real connection to it. I do love the intellectual tradition-the rigorous study and debate-everything else just leaves me cold. It's hard to explain to others so I take to righting it all down, hoping that it makes some sense to me.  Some people do find comfort in prayer and ritual, I'm not one of them. I just don't feel anything. So I'd rather be honest and say I don't get that same good feeling you get than force it.  Maybe I missed something somewhere or maybe one I'll find a connection. Right now I just feel a giant disconnect.