Want to leave

Hello Everyone:

It’s been a rough couple of days. The whole self isolation thing is just really getting to me. The worst part of all it is the revolving door of people and boxes of medical supplies. The people are making me feel like I don’t belong in the house anymore. Every day I feel like I’m being squeezed out of my house by that annoying chatty caregiver. She reported to her agency that there was tension in the house and she feels comfortable. Good, I’ll have to work a little to make her feel so uncomfortable that she’ll ask to be reassigned. Even though she does her job, she acts as if it’s her house and she’s the only who cares about mum. I hate her chattiness. I want her out and someone who’ll stay quiet and work in. I just want to get out already. I can’t stand being cooped up in the house all the time with a demanding ungrateful person—mum. It’s like no matter what I do, it’s not enough.  I’m looking forward to the day I can walk out. I would say never come back but that’s not really true. I still have some shred of affection for her, a tiny shred affection.  The thing that’s made me the most upset the past couple of days is the feeling of being invisible. I thought I was over it but I guess not. It’s upset me so much that I find myself in tears everyday, again. I thought I stopped crying in the shower months ago but I guess not again. With all my usual outlets cut off, I have nowhere to go to decompress. I’m just stuck in a place I no longer feel welcome and want to leave.