Nice Control Freak

Hello Everyone:

Another unhurried afternoon spent lost in a book. Even mom's mid-afternoon return couldn't take away the joy I felt indulging in a book instead of running off to do some errand. Mom asked why I wasn't going out and I just answered that I was doing precisely what I wanted to do in that moment. Tomorrow it's back to the grind but for the past two days, I've allowed myself the luxury of spending time with a book. Even better is no one was trying to get my attention with some useless conversation. I do hate idle chatter. One of the nice things about havin some time to myself is I can organize my thoughts and catch up on my life.  The thoughts are still being arranged but at least, the email doesn't look so cluttered anymore I don't function well in chaos. I have no idea how some people can do that, I can't. When there's chaos in my life, I tend to get hyper-sensitive about everything and everyone. The slightest thing can set me off.  I need some sense of orderliness so I can have a clear idea of what's in front of me. For example, I can't stand it when my workspace is cluttered with paper and reading material. When I was in school, the mess used to drive me insane. To deal with it, I got into the habit of cleaning my desk once a week. I still do that. My abusive ex was all about disorder. For someone whose job it was to prepare tax returns and keep their books, it sometimes took him a good deal of time just to find a piece of paper. Not confidence inspiring when you're a client paying someone to prepare your tax returns. He would resist attempts to get organized.  I think my need for order stems out of the disorder in my life and a need to control my environment. I suppose it's a reaction to my personal life. I'm not fanatical about it, I just need to feel that something is going according to plan. My plan. Okay so I'm a control freak. A more benign control freak. Not like one of my aunts whose whole existence seems to center around some ridiculous need for cleanliness. Anyway, time to eat.